TRANSFORMING PAST LIVES
Greetings dear reader. You may have noticed I went missing last week. I have been in such a deep state of clearing, purging, releasing and realignment that it was utterly impossible for me to write. On February 13th, I unearthed something I have been searching for my whole life. I have always wondered why I was born with clubfeet. I knew the answer to that question, held within it information vitally important to my soul’s evolution. After having uncovered a past life, the mystery was unraveled and is still unraveling as I write this. There have been many revelations and more to come I’m sure. I have been very careful not to engage my intellect too much at this time, so as to stay present with this experience.
That being said, in addition to a written blog, this week I have made a video recounting the experience and what I have learned thus far. I feel I have grown by leaps and bounds since that day, and I look forward to receiving the continued gifts and revelations from this process. When I am ready I will write more about it, but for now this is my offering. For those of you who do not believe in past lives, I am not here to convince you. What I will say , is that whatever we hold onto: past traumas, hurts, grudges, emotions and painful experiences, become our physicality; right down to the cellular structure.
You may know of the ancient Egyptian belief that at the time of death, your heart is weighed against a feather. I believe that whatever burden which has imprinted our heart, our soul, our psyche ; weighs so heavy that it follows us lifetime after lifetime, until the soul is ready to heal, transform, release, surrender, or alchemize these experiences. I do not believe in sin in the biblical sense. I believe in the original meaning of sin which is “ to miss your mark”. In the case of the past life discussed in the video; the woman misses her mark by switching her focus from knowing herself as pure love, directly connected source - to that of fear.. In her violent death, her focus becomes completely derailed from love to fear. The pain, anger, sadness and fear would leave an imprint so strong and deeply embedded that she would carry it from lifetime to lifetime. It was so strong in fact that its imprint informed the way my physical body would from in utero in this lifetime.
And so it was, that I was born with clubfeet and mild scoliosis; owing to the imprint of having been gagged, arms and wrists tied behind my back, ankles bound and pushed off a cliff, to be left hanging by my feet. Though it may sound strange, I am grateful to have been born with clubbed feet ( which were corrected at birth by surgery). I say this because it was a soul scar that has reminded me to search for this important clue to what it was that I needed to transform. It has taken lifetimes and fifty five years of this lifetime to be ready to face and transmute this shadow. It has also shifted my perception of karma. Karma is indeed made of imprints that do follow us. Like sin, karma merely demonstrates where we have missed our mark; or where we have had an experience that made an indelible mark on our soul (like a book-marked experience to be worked out at a later date).
Our strengths and gifts are also our karma, something we have cultivated over many lifetimes. Those strengths can aid us in times when we are moving through our challenges. Fortunately or unfortunately, it is not our strengths, but our weaknesses, that grow us the most when we are willing to work with the material before us. The universe is made of tension and resolution. Like fish, we cannot hope to release the hook from our mouth by pulling away ( which creates more tension) but by leaning in. It is in the surrender, the leaning in, that we can free ourselves from the hook.
The gravity of a situation is equal to our ability to organize our emotions. Resistance and confusion are the same energy. In the avoidance of pain there is no space for pleasure. When we rob ourselves of working with our suffering ( as opposed to pushing it aside, running, or covering it up ) we are also robbing ourselves of great clarity. The value of putting yourself first ( and not the avoidance) allows you to receive your own worth. Pain can not remain when we meet it with pleasure. When we protect ourself, we attract more of the very thing we are protecting ourselves from.
For lifetimes, I rejected that experience. I buried it, pushed it away. I held onto rage, anger, fear and sadness. I felt victimized, betrayed by God, afraid of my own power ( more in the video ). Now in this lifetime, having finally built up the willingness, the courage, the strength to face this once and for all, I can lean in and glean the wisdom. I have a visceral experience of how hanging on to pain can literally shape the form of my human body lifetimes after the shock, trauma and pain of an event.
It is not the story or the pain I will hold onto walking forward, but rather the wisdom gleaned. I am learning more all the time about quantum physics and transforming emotions. This journey is not complete, but I am well on the other side. I am still limping as my body continues to release the pain. I am slowing down, I am remembering what (not who) I am. I am amazed at the way my soul has orchestrated all of this. I wanted to simplify my life and I did. I wanted to move and I did. I literally left my whole life behind to begin anew - and I have. It has not been easy ( tension = growth ) but it has absolutely been worth it. I can see now, how all the threads of my life and all the events of the past (especially the past few years) has lead me right here to this place, where I have made myself ready to lay down the burden of this tragic death from a past life.
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There is still much to be done as I now have osteoarthritis in my feet and ankles, and calcifications in the soft tissue in my ankles, as well as tendonitis. It shows itself now and again, but had not flared up for a very long time. The second day after my session which uncovered this past life - it showed up in full force, Never before had I experienced pain of this intensity in my ankle ( specifically the left one). Sometimes pain is not a blockage, but a release. As I have said, there is still more to be gleaned. So I offer you this video and this blog that you may glean from it your own wisdom. Is there something you would like to transmute, surrender, lean into? Where are the clues in your life? What are you ready to face? How might you be assisted? What is it you absolutely do not want to carry with you when your spirit and body separate?If you died in this very moment, would your heart be lighter than a feather?
What are your goals toward that end? How can you more fully receive yourself? Is it about loving yourself unconditionally, or is it about remembering that you are none other than love? Where are you allowing your energy to be siphoned? What burdens are you willing to lay down and how do you do that? Letting go is a myth - if it were that easy we would all be liberated by now. The caterpillar does not let go of itself, it transforms into a butterfly. Are you ready for that kind of alchemy? If so, you came to just the right place (Earth) and just the right time (now).
Though things may seem stranger than ever, humanity, as well as each individual, has never been more fully supported on so many levels at once, to make the quantum leap into the true nature of our being - love! This video is long (an hour and a half). I am not presuming that you will watch it. I merely share it as an offering, that there may be some healing or epiphany within that will serve you. And so it is!
P.S. What if victimhood and narcissism are two sides of the same coin?
As mentioned, I made a video recounting my experience. It is much more detailed than the written version. If you like, you can watch the video here.